part I


因為長庚瘋女很正 所以常常走在路上會被搭訕
                                                                               
上星期 瘋女去長庚醫院附近吃飯 要回宿舍的時候 路過一家路邊攤
                                                                               
這家路邊攤賣的是包包 瘋女當然不放過這個好機會
                                                                               
就停下來看路邊攤的包包 挑來挑去 挑中了一個粉紅色的艾瑪士包
                                                                               
但是因為要850 實在是太貴了
                                                                               
長庚瘋女當然就殺價了 但是老闆很硬 只答應殺到800元
                                                                               
瘋女還是覺得很貴 所以發出撒嬌的功力 一直ㄋㄞ(非注音文 打不出國字)
                                                                               
那個老闆是個中年男子 大約35歲
                                                                               
而長庚瘋女吳八珍現在唸大四 也才22歲 又上過表特 長得非常正
                                                                               
只見中年男子已經快淪陷了 但是薑還是老的辣
                                                                               
中年男子像是想到什麼似地說 "你沒錢 不會叫你男朋友來付賬阿"
                                                                               
聽到此話 長庚瘋女愣住了 因為瘋女的確是有男友的

大家都知道 就是達摩男友 如果承認自己有男友 這樣不就被破梗了嗎?

好不容易快要殺價成功 豈不是功虧一簣
                                                                               
結果 長庚瘋女不慌不忙地說"我沒有男朋友阿 我好可憐喔 自己養自己"
                                                                               
說時遲那時快 中年男子馬上說

"那你把你電話給我 我請你看電影 這個包包就送你"
                                                                               
"這個包包就送你~~"
                                                                               
               "這個包包就送你~~"
                                                                               
                                "這個包包就送你~~"
                                                                               
                                                                               
..........................................................(人正真好 林北連一隻蟑螂都沒人送我)
                                                                               
                                                                               
本來想說中年男子應該是亂講的 沒想到真的還開車送包包去長庚瘋女的宿舍
                                                                               
因為中年男子跟他朋友合股一起賣包包 他朋友當天也有在賣包包的現場
                                                                               
所以不好意思直接當面把包包送給長庚瘋女

只能等下班之後 偷偷開車送包包到瘋女的宿舍 叫長庚瘋女下去拿
                                                                               
而且 長庚瘋女還偷偷瞞著達摩男友

真的跟那個中年男子一起去看電影 還看"回到十七歲"
                                                                               
所有的開銷都是中年男子出的錢 因為中年男子說要請客

瘋女這麼喜歡貪小便宜的個性 當然就去了
                                                                               
結束之後 因為中年男子說要開車載長庚瘋女回宿舍
                                                                               
長庚瘋女覺得這樣似乎很危險

再加上中年男子先前也傳簡訊表示希望瘋女去他家陪他
                                                                               
長庚瘋女基於身為瘋女的第六感 覺得有危機

便急忙地說"不用了 我要回宿舍了"
                                                                               
就趕快從西門町樂聲戲院 跑到西門捷運站
                                                                               
因為長庚瘋女國小的時候曾經參加過馬拉松比賽 還得過第三名

還加入過醫學系的系女籃跟田徑隊
                                                                               
所以跑步也是他的強項 而且中年男子年紀又大了 當然追不上瘋女
                                                                               
只見中年男子氣喘吁吁地邊跑邊追地說........
                                                                               
"小姐 小姐 你叫什麼名字阿 你別跑阿~~~~~"
                                                                               
但是長庚瘋女還是頭都不回 一直往捷運站方向跑
                                                                               
終於 長庚瘋女她成功了!!!
                                                                               
到了捷運站 發現中年男子沒有追過來 真的是好險阿
                                                                               
沒想到瘋女拿起手機一看 靠邀!!! 21通未接來電 也太驚人了吧
                                                                               
這樣還不算什麼 打開簡訊夾一看~!!!! 7封未閱讀簡訊
                                                                               
第一封內容為"你怎麼了 怎麼不接我電話"
                                                                               
第二封內容為"你幹麻跑這麼快 是不是覺得感覺很差"
                                                                               
第三封內容為"我想再約你出來 可以嗎?"
                                                                               
.....................................
                                                                               
因為長庚瘋女都沒有回應

所以最後一封簡訊 也就是第七封簡訊 內容如下
                                                                               
"不知道你為什麼不理我 是不是覺得不對味 我覺得你好無情喔"
                                                                               
                     "我覺得你好無情喔~~~~"
                                                                                                 
                             "我覺得你好無情喔~~~~"
                                                                               
                                    "我覺得你好無情喔~~~~"
                                                                               
                                                                               
'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''
                                                                               
靠邀 真的很恐怖@@
                                                                               
長庚瘋女只是想說認識一下新朋友 但是有必要追成這樣子嗎? 

莫非這是劈腿的下場嗎?
                                                                               
所以 長庚瘋女從今以後在班上有個新封號 叫做"中年男子殺手"!!!!!!!
                                


part II


有一天長庚瘋女去坐台北板南縣的捷運
                                                                               
因為都沒位子了 所以瘋女就選擇坐博愛座
                                                                               
反正現在也沒有老弱婦孺 所以瘋女就先坐了

想說等到有老人上車再讓座就好了
                                                                               
因為大家都知道 捷運的博愛坐有二個空位
                                                                               
瘋女坐了一個 還會有另一個空位沒人坐
                                                                               
說時遲 那時快
                                                                               
有一個中年大叔 大概四十歲出頭 見機不可失
                                                                               
就想找個藉口坐在長庚瘋女旁邊
                                                                               
於是他想到一個搭訕的好方法
                                                                               
他張開吃過檳榔滿口紅紅的血盆大口說
                                                                               
"小姐~~ 一個人喔?  請問我可以坐你旁邊嗎?"
                                                                               
.................................

                                                                                                       
幸虧瘋女也不是省油的燈 他知道中年男子意圖不軌
                                                                               
她就說"痾 先生......."
                                                                               
中年男子說"沒關係 你要問啥 給你問"
                                                                               
長庚瘋女接著說".................先生 你連博愛座都要坐我旁邊唷???"
                                                                               
".................先生 你連博愛座都要坐我旁邊唷???"
                                                                               
     ".................先生 你連博愛座都要坐我旁邊唷???"
                                                                               
..........................................
                                                                               
又接著說"我肚子裡還有一個人 所以二個人坐二個位子剛剛好啦"
                                                                               
"我肚子裡還有一個人 所以二個人坐二個位子剛剛好啦"
                                                                               
    "我肚子裡還有一個人 所以二個人坐二個位子剛剛好啦"
                                                                               
         "我肚子裡還有一個人 所以二個人坐二個位子剛剛好啦"
                                                                                                 
............................................
                                                                               
所以那個中年男子馬上就說"對不起對不起 我還以為你只有一個人"
                                                                               
說完就夾著尾巴下車




part III  


長庚瘋女還有一次坐捷運被搭訕的事蹟 這次是個老外
                                                                               
他是個法國人 在師大法語中心教書 也有在淡大兼課
                                                                               
以下是搭訕過程
                                                                               
長庚瘋女在搭乘手扶梯時 被老外搭訕 老外從背後探頭來 親切地說
                                                                               
"How are you?"
                                                                               
長庚瘋女回頭一看 天阿 竟然是老外!!!
                                                                               
因為瘋女從小到大 從來沒有被老外搭訕過
                                                                               
雖然還是個中年男子 年約33歲 有啤酒肚 還有點鬼剃頭
                                                                               
聽說是在法國經商失敗才來台灣教法文
                                                                               
但是長庚瘋女還是覺得很興奮 因為第一次被老外搭訕
                                                                               
雖然瘋女有在地球村補美日語 英文跟日文程度不錯
                                                                                                                                                                                                                       
但是熊熊被老外搭訕的瞬間 真的不知道如何發揮他強大的英文實力
                                                                               
不過人家好歹也是考上醫學系的正妹

英文實力很強 只是一瞬間不知如何運用
                                                                               
此時 長庚瘋女急中生智 脫口而出回答老外說
                                                                               
" I am fine, thank you. And you? "
                                                                               
" I am fine, thank you. And you? "
                                                                               
" I am fine, thank you. And you? "
                                                                               
" I am fine, thank you. And you? "
                                                                               
................................
                                                                               
後來老外還處變不驚 還約瘋女出去喝咖啡

(當然也是老外請客~~~~)
                                                                               
重點是由以上的事情可以知道 國民義務教育的重要性
                                        

                                                              

創作者介紹

長庚女孩系列好評連載中

戰戰神 發表在 痞客邦 PIXNET 留言(1) 人氣()


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  • 泡泡
  • 5/31要去中正廟參加反波大遊行,瘋女會去嗎?想去瞻仰一下她的風采
  • 會阿 因為長庚瘋女的達摩男友 她就是代表長庚醫學系的反波聯絡人 所以長庚瘋女跟她達摩男友都會去參加531大遊行 我也會去 到時候見面囉!!!

    戰戰神 於 2009/05/28 00:03 回覆

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